Three More Semesters

I remember when I decided to start college. Erin was in preschool, the others in all day classes. My desire to be more was so strong. I had an Associates already, something done on a whim, with the idea that I should be a secretary, mom, and housewife and aim for nothing more.

But I couldn't.

I had to fight to enter school. And fight I did. I love that part of me: the fighter. The one who makes a way, even if it means busting through a wall after someone removed the ladder over it. But I digress. I handled all the details to keep everyone's life as untouched as possible by my desire to branch out, to grow, to follow my dreams.

And I walked onto campus, scared out of my closed little mind. I had defied the plans set out for me by everyone else and decided to forge my own path. Suddenly, Blue's Clues was replaced by studying, new authors, ideas, things that challenged me.

More changed over the next few semesters: I started to believe in myself. I held my head higher, didn't hide in the back of the class, hoping to be unnoticed. I was excelling and challenging myself. And it was amazing!

I had to take time off. This isn't the place for that story. All that matters on this page right now is that I am back.

Three Semesters Left.

And it scares me to death. Too soon, it's not going to be the safety of a classroom and papers to turn in and practice labs. It's going to be the Real World and seeing if I truly have what it takes to apply what I have learned.

This is when it's a bad thing that I am such a future thinker. I don't back to the past much, unless I need to understand if there is anything back there that is hindering my journey forward. And God knows, I rarely take the time to notice where I am now. My mind is almost always solidly focused ten steps ahead of where I am now.

This semester is different. I'm different. I'm no longer a naive housewife wanting to learn something new. I'm a grown woman now, fighting for my place in this world. And the sacrifices are many.

And I don't know why I am so nervous, so scared, right now. I know I know what I am doing. But I've signed up for my future with a Sharpie and there is no turning back. There is no other path to take. There is no Plan B. And it's all or nothing right now.

The letter of a acceptance has come in the mail, the classes have been signed up for, the books have been bought. I'm no longer just trying to this on for size, to see what I think. NO! I've bought the dress, had it altered and there is no returning it.

This is it.

No turning back.

I'm doing this.

And I'm aware of the sacrifices, what is required of me, the standards I have to live up to.

And I'm ready.

Scared shitless.

But ready nonetheless.

The cocoon is bursting open. I'm almost there.

And it's about time.

And sometimes, it's good to know that fear is not always a bad thing.