Fear

I'm afraid of , well, everything . . . . 

 Snakes

   The dark

     Heights

      Falling: to the ground, over myself, IN LOVE

        Failure . . . .Success . . . .

We're all afraid, honestly. Some of us just choose to continue moving forward, to continue living, in spite of it. While others, others choose to slowly die, alone in a shell, never realizing how much is there to NOT be afraid of ----

   First kiss, second kiss, last kiss

    Falling: in love; down a grassy hill, on a Tuesday, in May; out of love; into yourself

      Running: away from; towards more; across a finish line . . . .

I spent too long scared, missing out, slowing dying inside. My passion dimmed to mere observation. Life was full of glass houses-- created of bullet proof glass that I was no longer strong enough to invade. I felt myself shrink, retreat, go dim. I attempted to break through; feeble kicks, half-hearted punches . . . . barely making a dent . . . . I felt myself shrink, bruised and dirty---too exhausted to remember why I had wanted to break through in the first place . . . .

Then I remembered, somehow, that I  WANTED to live-no longer content with exisiting.

Fight or Flight . . . . I chose both.

The secret to flying is to aim for the ground and miss . . . . 

I hit the ground many times before I realized WHY I needed to miss it . . . . and I soared---

I rapelled off of a bridge; I danced, alone, in the dark; I fell in love; I fell out of love; I fell in lust--into kisses--into arms--into bed; I chose to not hate myself in the morning.

Each mistake moving me forward . . .

I stood on a stage and made people laugh; I stood on a stage and received silence but stood on the stage again; I danced with no cares of who saw; I kissed on the first date; I chose to wait until the fifth date for others.

I've made my choices and fallen flat on my face. I've been crushed, cried, laughed, screamed, ran, hit something . . . . and survived.

SURVIVED.

The smoke clears; the pounding in the head stops; the tears are wiped away . . . .

....and in spite of it all, still standing.

A little taller; a lot stronger; a bit wiser; eyes more clear. I no longer had to beat against bullet proof glass--the doors were wide open and welcomed me in . . .

But still . . . .

I'm afraid of everything . . . . but I'm doing it anyway.