Ramblings

Words flying through my mind, begging for a voice. How do I say it all without screaming?

Control+Alt+Delete, pause, rewind . . . fast forward. But to what? What lies there?

Ampitheather type seating, with you on the front row. Mic on high, bass blaring. You have no choice but to listen now.

Don't beg me back. It's insulting to my intelligence. You asked for forgiveness. I granted it. Don't look so smug. It's for me, not you. You! You still suck. You chose your Lover over me. She provided a bigger high, no matter how destructive, than I ever could. Did you ever feel bad as you cheated on love for the rush only She could provide?

How can I compete with a Lover of Her magnitude? She has known you longer, She is more tempting, so readily available. No need to seduce and swoon. She is just there waiting for you . . . everywhere. She has no jealousy, no demands . . . in the beginning.

I guess you were too enraptured to see what I saw. I saw your light going dim. That killed me the most: the loss of your smile. Your eyes were too glassy to see how much you shone. For a while.

Did you not ever realize how beautiful you were when your eyes were clear? Too much honesty for you there, I guess.

You made your choice . . . . for a while. Me . . . Her . . . Me. I chose in the end. I chose ME. I let you go to Her knowing I would never ask for you back.

I can't compete with a Lover who is always there and with such history.

You wanted me to catch you before you would fall. But I only strengthed you enough to return to Her. I had to stop for myself.

As I said, I forgive you. For Me. You still suck.

What was the feeling like as you felt Her touching your lips? Was it too much to bear, did you shake and swallow quickly or did you take your time to savor the moment as your tongue felt Her, waiting for the wetness to help Her go down easier?

Your sick little love affair. Kept so secret; still so obvious.

I'm too human to provide the rush that She could.



Knowing the lack of quality of your Lover--who/what you chose over me makes it easier to move away.

You're my muse now. Your betrayal pushing my pen to paper, helping me create.

Your betrayal--another page in my scrapbook.

I'd say I wish you well but we both know that a Lover of your magnitude rarely leaves anyone sane when She finally departs.

You chose to be Her victim. I chose to not be yours.