Yesterday, while at Squaw Creek with the girls, I walked behind them to just watch. I realized as we made our way up, up, up, how strong each of their personalities are. I was so overwhelmed with love for them, I had to stop and catch my breath so I didn't cry.
Kristin and Kaitlin grabbed hands and ran ahead, stopping only to make sure they were together if one fell behind a bit.
Brianna, for no fault of her own, had to stop frequently to catch her breath and take a break. But she never let on that she was wearing out and in pain. She just said "I'm okay, let's go!" She was the first one to agree to go back the "Strenuous" path. At the end, she sat in the front seat and collapsed, she was hurting and exhausted . . . but would not let her sickness get in the way. Her strength amazes me.
Erin just kept saying it was mean of us to trick her. She had no clue so much walking was involved and she had to keep away from poison ivy because what girl is pretty if they swell? She is my princess and I wish tougher. But she is soft and gentle and that is a gift in itself.
I learned that my daughters are amazing, each in their own individual way. They stand on their own, they stand together. At one point I looked up, we were heading towards a clearing and just like in the movies, the sun broke through and I saw four beatiful girls holding hands, walking along and I saw them again as my babies but also as children on the cusp on becoming ladies.
And at that point, I let a few tears slide down my face. Gratitude, joy, peace, contentment. No matter what struggles have come at us this past year, no matter what has been lost, I have found so much more.
A favorite line of mine from the movie "Where the heart is" is . . . How can you love someone so much you just met?
My only answer is . . . how can you not?
Showing posts with label daughters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label daughters. Show all posts
Letters to my daughters.
I wrote this about 8 years ago . . . .it's amazing seeing how much of this has come to pass in their life . . . .
Dear Sweet, Strong, Amazing Princesses,
You are growing taller and stronger everyday. The quickness of it takes my breath away. It seems a cliche to say it seems like only yesterday....but it does seem that way. Only yesterday, I was the mother of one, then three, then four. Sweet baby girls clothed in pink who fit in the crook of my arm. Quickly, you grew and were running away from me. Even at that moment, I realized the significance of your steps; steps that were necessary. We may bond as you grow older, but you will always be walking away. My job is to not only teach you how to do so, but how to do it with pride and dignity.
Sometimes we fight, but one day, you'll realize the convinctions I have....the convictions I have for you. I tell you no because I understand now, only from my own lacking, how important a mother's guidance is. And I've been where you are...and where you are going.
Even now, I raise you with your future in mind. My prayers for you are that you will be strong enough to stand up for what you believe in, but flexible enough to learn and try new things. Most of all, I wish for you to know who you are. To take the time to be your own best friend first so that you don't have to seek outside of yourself for fulfillment. Even now, I see your gifts and talents; I hope you can see them too. It takes my breath away to realize such amazing creatures are children...my daughters.
I have an extra responsibilty as your mother. Right now, I am your role model. I hope I do it with grace and strength. But please, accept my apologies now, for I will stumble. I will do and say the wrong things. But I will always love you....will never stop loving you.
I have fears; I cry; I shout; I laugh. Please do not be shocked by that. I only want for you to realize that it's okay to feel. That weakness isn't found in showing emotions, but hiding them. Strength is shown when you do not hide; when you let people know who you are.
Brianna, especially for you now, I write this. You are entering a new phase of life. You are getting older, maturing. The little girl I carried in my womb, cared for and sent off to kindergarten is becoming a young woman. You struggle with who you are. Please don't. Can you not see what I see? A girl who is wise beyond her years. I am proud of you. I am proud of your "embrace life fully" personality. I am proud of your heart and intelligence. You are both analytical and impulsive. You are a gift to this world. I'm sorry I do not tell you enough.
Kristin, my quiet one, my wish for you is courage. i don't understand how it feels to be so scared so I can only offer support and guidance....and love. You are talented in so many ways and your quietness is a gift. As you told me when you were five, "i spend more time listening than talking, Mom" Do not ever lose that. You are patient and I trust you will get where you need to when the time comes.
Katie, you are always on the go; take time to slow down and see the world. You cannot leave the room without a kiss and a hug. While you are also sometimes scared, I see your courage starting to emerge. Tears come to my eyes as I see you starting to step into a world you have been so scared of for so long. Do not be afraid because I can see the strength you possess that shows me you can do this. Hold your head high and keep walking, I'll be behind you if you need to hold my hand.
Erin, you amaze me. You see the world in a way I never could. You do not hurry through life, instead, you live your life in moments. At 4, your depth of love for all things natural amazes me. Your imagination is an asset that I hope you continue to embrace it and never stop seeing things that others miss. You joy is contagious and it is such a gift to be a part of that.
My daughters, i will never pretend life is easy; it is hard. But through hard work comes achievement and through achievement comes confidence. Never believe that because you are a girl, you cannot achieve certain things. Listen to what I am trying to say to you when I tell you to pick yourselves up and keep going. Life is never lived if you are scared to get up after you fall.
These are the lessons I want you to learn:
As you grow, your heart will be broken; maybe many times. Learn from each heartbreak.
Do not follow the crowd. As a female, you were given the gift of intuition....use it. Be proud of who you are and what you stand for. Even if at times, you stand alone, I promise, in time, pride will come with those decisions.
It's okay to say NO. No to friends who ask you to compromise who you are; no to the boys who may try too hard; no to those that tell you that you can't achieve; NO to doubts that try to hold you back.
Just as it is okay to say NO, it is also okay to change your mind. I understand that there will be times when you make a choice without fully realizing its impact. Do not feel weak because you have decided that you cannot follow through on a decison you have made or you feel that others will disagree. You cannot make your choices based on what others think of you, but what you will think of yourself onces it has been made.
Be proud of your beauty but cultivate your inner beauty just as much, if not more than your outer beauty.
Make your choices with wisdom and conviction. Again, this falls under, do not follow the crowd. Just because a lot of people are saying it's right doesn't make it so. Sometimes the correct path is found when you take the time to explore on your own.
Before you ever give yourself to a man, please be secure enough in who you are so you don't lose yourself. One day, I hope you understand that men are meant not to complete you but complement who you are.
NEVER accept put-downs or abuse. Boys don't hit girls they like. I repeat, boys DON'T hit girls they like. They also do not pressure, put-down or run away. A real man walks beside you.
God gave me four daughters. One day, you will leave and begin your own life. Do it with your head held high and a soul full of confidence. And when you leave my arms, know that I raised you with love and look forward to the day that you are not only my daughters but my friends.
143....Mom
Dear Sweet, Strong, Amazing Princesses,
You are growing taller and stronger everyday. The quickness of it takes my breath away. It seems a cliche to say it seems like only yesterday....but it does seem that way. Only yesterday, I was the mother of one, then three, then four. Sweet baby girls clothed in pink who fit in the crook of my arm. Quickly, you grew and were running away from me. Even at that moment, I realized the significance of your steps; steps that were necessary. We may bond as you grow older, but you will always be walking away. My job is to not only teach you how to do so, but how to do it with pride and dignity.
Sometimes we fight, but one day, you'll realize the convinctions I have....the convictions I have for you. I tell you no because I understand now, only from my own lacking, how important a mother's guidance is. And I've been where you are...and where you are going.
Even now, I raise you with your future in mind. My prayers for you are that you will be strong enough to stand up for what you believe in, but flexible enough to learn and try new things. Most of all, I wish for you to know who you are. To take the time to be your own best friend first so that you don't have to seek outside of yourself for fulfillment. Even now, I see your gifts and talents; I hope you can see them too. It takes my breath away to realize such amazing creatures are children...my daughters.
I have an extra responsibilty as your mother. Right now, I am your role model. I hope I do it with grace and strength. But please, accept my apologies now, for I will stumble. I will do and say the wrong things. But I will always love you....will never stop loving you.
I have fears; I cry; I shout; I laugh. Please do not be shocked by that. I only want for you to realize that it's okay to feel. That weakness isn't found in showing emotions, but hiding them. Strength is shown when you do not hide; when you let people know who you are.
Brianna, especially for you now, I write this. You are entering a new phase of life. You are getting older, maturing. The little girl I carried in my womb, cared for and sent off to kindergarten is becoming a young woman. You struggle with who you are. Please don't. Can you not see what I see? A girl who is wise beyond her years. I am proud of you. I am proud of your "embrace life fully" personality. I am proud of your heart and intelligence. You are both analytical and impulsive. You are a gift to this world. I'm sorry I do not tell you enough.
Kristin, my quiet one, my wish for you is courage. i don't understand how it feels to be so scared so I can only offer support and guidance....and love. You are talented in so many ways and your quietness is a gift. As you told me when you were five, "i spend more time listening than talking, Mom" Do not ever lose that. You are patient and I trust you will get where you need to when the time comes.
Katie, you are always on the go; take time to slow down and see the world. You cannot leave the room without a kiss and a hug. While you are also sometimes scared, I see your courage starting to emerge. Tears come to my eyes as I see you starting to step into a world you have been so scared of for so long. Do not be afraid because I can see the strength you possess that shows me you can do this. Hold your head high and keep walking, I'll be behind you if you need to hold my hand.
Erin, you amaze me. You see the world in a way I never could. You do not hurry through life, instead, you live your life in moments. At 4, your depth of love for all things natural amazes me. Your imagination is an asset that I hope you continue to embrace it and never stop seeing things that others miss. You joy is contagious and it is such a gift to be a part of that.
My daughters, i will never pretend life is easy; it is hard. But through hard work comes achievement and through achievement comes confidence. Never believe that because you are a girl, you cannot achieve certain things. Listen to what I am trying to say to you when I tell you to pick yourselves up and keep going. Life is never lived if you are scared to get up after you fall.
These are the lessons I want you to learn:
As you grow, your heart will be broken; maybe many times. Learn from each heartbreak.
Do not follow the crowd. As a female, you were given the gift of intuition....use it. Be proud of who you are and what you stand for. Even if at times, you stand alone, I promise, in time, pride will come with those decisions.
It's okay to say NO. No to friends who ask you to compromise who you are; no to the boys who may try too hard; no to those that tell you that you can't achieve; NO to doubts that try to hold you back.
Just as it is okay to say NO, it is also okay to change your mind. I understand that there will be times when you make a choice without fully realizing its impact. Do not feel weak because you have decided that you cannot follow through on a decison you have made or you feel that others will disagree. You cannot make your choices based on what others think of you, but what you will think of yourself onces it has been made.
Be proud of your beauty but cultivate your inner beauty just as much, if not more than your outer beauty.
Make your choices with wisdom and conviction. Again, this falls under, do not follow the crowd. Just because a lot of people are saying it's right doesn't make it so. Sometimes the correct path is found when you take the time to explore on your own.
Before you ever give yourself to a man, please be secure enough in who you are so you don't lose yourself. One day, I hope you understand that men are meant not to complete you but complement who you are.
NEVER accept put-downs or abuse. Boys don't hit girls they like. I repeat, boys DON'T hit girls they like. They also do not pressure, put-down or run away. A real man walks beside you.
God gave me four daughters. One day, you will leave and begin your own life. Do it with your head held high and a soul full of confidence. And when you leave my arms, know that I raised you with love and look forward to the day that you are not only my daughters but my friends.
143....Mom
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